One night, whilst watching TV, I understood a very useful magical principle which is highly practical and immensely efficient. Anyone can do it - if they really want to, that is! - and although it involves interior decoration, it is easy to do, once you get your head around the basic principles. Whether you live alone in your flat, house or mansion, whether you are gay or straight, male or female, and regardless of how old you are, with this method you can very practically "choose your love, then love your choice" and get yourself a new lover or life partner. The core insight comes from a TV programme in which houses which don't sell are re-decorated by a professional to make them more attractive so that offers start to come in. In the programme and before the professional goes to work, buyers are shown around the property as it is, and their responses are taped. With this property that no-one wanted and which had been on the market for a good couple of years, the comment potential buyers made over and over again was, "I just couldn't imagine myself living there." Let's repeat that sentence because it is the key to the whole endeavour. "I just couldn't imagine myself living there." It struck me that this had been my own experience, but not during buying a house. I had felt like that when I was staying in various boyfriend apartments or houses and couldn't wait to leave again! One gentleman had a very expensive house but it was all "Bauhaus" concrete and hard lines; inside, everything was empty and white and chrome, with umpteen massive mirrors and even mirror polished work tops and cupboards in the kitchen. "I just couldn't imagine myself living there." Can you imagine being a couple or even a family in those surroundings? Trying to cook a meal in a mirror polished kitchen? Where would I put my stuff? What would I *do* in those vast, empty cold spaces? Cleaning THAT? The guy was alright and even possibly very alright. He was good in bed and had an interesting mind. But I left in the morning, without even so much as a cup of coffee and never came back. He and I never could figure out what "he'd done wrong" - and the deal is, apart from not paying attention to his DIY, he hadn't! Now, the converse. I have a friend, a very delicious and desirable lady who owns her own home, has a good job, looks attractive and *is* attractive in every way, but her gentlemen run as fast from her after a home visit as I did from the mirror polished boyfriend. Her house is "new age heaven", to put a not too fine point on it. Colours of an Indian fabric merchant - a riot of burning oranges, fiery reds, glowing golds, ultraviolets, greens, turquoise, blue, yellow. Incense holders and crystals EVERYWHERE. Statues of Buddhas, cats, elephants. Windchimes and mystical waterfall posters. Wow. Now, I like this. I like to visit her and I feel right at home there. We do magical things and have very meaningful conversations - but then, I'm much like her and the wrong sex for what she's looking for. If a suitable gentleman stepped through the door, he'd want to reverse right out. He wouldn't be able to imagine himself being there, not at all. It goes further. In true Feng Shui tradition, there is NO ROOM for a man here. Where would he sit to watch TV? Where would he take the engine of his motorbike apart? Store his skies? Where would he eat his breakfast? Well, if he ate breakfast, that is, and if he wasn't into doing that in the lotus position in the conservatory, on the bamboo mat ... In the bedroom (deep purple with glowing green and gold, full of candle holders and fabrics draping everywhere!) there is a double bed, granted. But there is no second bedside table for a potential man, even if he could get past the colours, which really and truly hurt most men's head, heart, mind and soul. There is no cupboard for his clothes, not even to put down an overnight bag. In the bathroom there isn't an inch of space for a shaver, or a second toothbrush. Here's the deal. Single people decorate their homes to please themselves and to "fill all available spaces with themselves". Their mirrors, ornaments, colour choices become their minions, their little army of protective gremlins and this makes it very, very difficult for a second person to feel comfortable there or to consider this a home and hearth for them. They think it's a showcase for their personality and good taste, but to an outsider this is forbidding, foreboding, and very freaky. Further, the chrome loving gentleman I mentioned earlier did NOT consist entirely of robotic coldness AS A PERSON. That was a total misrepresentation of who he was. He was lively, funny and very, very passionate and I think he just prided himself on his chrome aspects particularly and wanted himself and others to think that's who is was to impress them. My mystical orient loving friend too wasn't all flow and heaven on earth, either. She is a shrewd business woman, loves order and logic, and you really don't want to get her on a day when she has PMT! So. I put all of this to her and she was surprised, appalled but could see the sense of it right away. "My goodness!" she exclaimed. "Are you seriously suggesting I paint my bedroom an inviting ... GREY?!" We giggled for a while but yes, in essence, if you want to attract a man TO STAY WITH YOU and feel right at home with you, the bedroom colours need to be professionally defused. The whole house, in fact, needs to be tackled room by room to MAKE ROOM FOR A MAN. To create an environment that is acceptable and inviting TO A MAN. My friend was getting nervous. "If I did this, wouldn't that mean I was READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP?" she asked nervously. "And wouldn't the decor and colours I choose even DECIDE on the kind of man I would be attracting?!" Yes, I do think that's exactly right. And herein lies the real magic! Taking conscious control of the environment in order to GET WHAT YOU WANT, that is what this is all about. So, I asked my friend, "Well, are you? Are you ready to paint your bedroom grey if that is what it takes?" She fell thoughtful and said, "I have real conflicts about that. I can sense that if I did, it would work. And quickly, too. I think I've decorated like that to keep me safe from relationships. I guess I'm not as clear and ready on the topic as I thought ..." It's a fascinating thought that in the absence of a rabid mum with a rolling pin to keep the suitors at bay, my chrome gentleman and mystical friend had taken to using DIY instead to stay safe - and single. Well, there we have the principle. It is straightforward and all you have to do is to go through your house and see it through the eyes of "the prospective suitor". If you aim to make your home a veritable honey trap for the cheerleading bunny girls, then how should it look? Where will you put the fluffy pink rugs, the candles and the flowers? And don't forget those furry toilet seat covers ... Ok, so I'm kidding but you really will have to think differently, think MAGICALLY, to make the choices that point to the TYPE OF PARTNER you would really be comfortable with, where your "compromise" with another would actually ENHANCE YOUR OWN LIFE AND ENJOYMENT of your spaces. Here is your chance to also work on your own contortions, reversals and fears and clear them up, very practically and so use your home to firstly, find out what YOU NEED TO BALANCE YOUR EXCESSES in interior decorating, and secondly, get the right mate for you to come - and to stay. |
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