I remember when I was little, I overheard my father pass a disparaging remark about some unknown person who was trying to find himself. "What rubbish!" my father said. "How are you going to find yourself? Are you lost?" Those words have stayed with me on and off for years while I have done my soul- searching, looking for the lost "I". I have found many different versions of "I". All labels and identities. Baby of the family. Liar. Thief. Good student. Bad student. Drinker. ACOA. The first to get divorced in the family. An out of the box thinker. Stubborn. Too sensitive. Field hockey player. A lover of world cup football. Mummy. Daughter. Wife. Lover. Friend. Sister. Aunty. Jamaican. Avatar Master. Spiritual seeker. Nicola... All labels and identities. Some no longer serve us, yet we still wear them like a badge that we are afraid to take off. Avatar has shown me how to look behind the mock-up costumes and scripts from the past. Be here now. Who am I? Who do I want to be? I decide. I didn't go anywhere and I am not lost. Playing this strange earth game of duality, can sure feel like it sometimes. Forty five years of piling layers upon layers of stuff on top of our pure essence as source beings and it can be easy to forget. Avatar helps bring me back to the place where I am back in control and I take full responsibility for my life. Source... The pull of indoctrinated thinking pulls at me sometimes. Who should I be? Tell me! What should I do? Tell me! I look outwards addictively for direction. Addiction to looking outside of myself for the answer. With Avatar, I change old patterns and create new paths. This is my story after all! What do I want to create on the next page? What do you want to create on the next page of your life's story? |
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