The aftereffects of verbal, physical or sexual abuse are profound, extensive and pervasive. It is a soul injury. The soul is the center of our spirituality. Before the child has the opportunity to experience him or herself as a fully functioning human being, they have been sexually or physically abused--more often than not by the person with whom the child has implicit trust--the person who is required to protect them from all harm--the parent or another trusted adult. Children as young as one month are sexually abused--genital fondling, oral sex, digital or object penetration are the common forms of infant sexual abuse. Children are taught that God protects us from harm. But how can that be true when the child was harmed by the person who claims to love him/her? they wonder. An insidious dilemma is established. Many religions also teach that God punishes those who are "bad." "I must be bad," the child reasons, "because God did not protect me. God must be punishing me for being bad. I am to blame. I am guilty. What did I do to deserve this?" Self-loathing, shame and guilt becomes the person's self-perception. Frequently, physcial/sexual abuse survivors no longer believe in God. While they may go to church and profess their faith--there is an emptiness at the center of their soul. "If God was real why did he let me be abused?" they ponder. There is a poignant and profound explanation to this pondering. God did protect the survivor. God helped the survivor to survive the most heinous experience anyone could have. God protected the survivor by giving information on how to stay alive, how to avoid going crazy while living in a crazy environment. Furthermore, God in various and sundry ways brings informaton to the perpetrator, so that the perpetrator knows and understands his/her behavior is unacceptable and the damage that the victim will incur. However, God can not make anyone hear or believe the information. Thus, the perpetrator's actions are undeterred even through God's work. Traditional religion labels the perpetrator a sinner. A child has only four possible alternatives during the ordeal of sexual/physical abuse, whether that ordeal is over a period of years or a instant. The choices are: Doing what the child did: i.e. numbing out, zoning out, going into psychogenic amnesia, splitting the mind off, (Dissociative state) accepting the blame, etc. Dying: Unable to withstand the horrific emotional devestation--guilt, shame, humiliation, responsibility of being the cause, detrayal of trust, manipulation, etc. the child sometimes becomes physically depleated and can not maintain health--therefore dies. Going crazy: i.e. becoming psychotic, or totally dysfunctional, Telling: The survivor tells someone who stops the abuse or Confronting the perpetrator, thus risking not being believed and possible recriminations: Many children do protest the abuse and when they do the abuse stops, however, there are exceptions. The abuse stopped temporarily, but the perpetrator resumed again with a different approach thus binding the child into a more insidious trap. Regaining one's spirituality is difficult, but it is possible. The journey to regaining one's spirituality as in the recovery process is unique to each individual. There are many excellent sources to aid you in this process. The following publications are only a few of the many noteworthy sources for healing spiritual wounds: Title/Author(s) Conversations with God: Books I, II, III, IV - Neale Donald Walsch A Course in Miracles - Helen Schucman and William Thetford Love is Letting Go of Fear - Gerald Jampolsky, MD Sacred Contracts - Caroline Myss Why People Don't Heal and How They Can - Caroline Myss, MD Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles - Marianne Williamson Illuminata: A Return to Prayer - Marianne Williamson Self-Esteem: Loving Yourself and Emotional Self-Sufficiency - Marianne Williamson How to know God: The Soul's Journey into the Mystery of Mysteries - Deepak Chopra, MD Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel - Deepak Chopra, MD The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightment - Eckhart, et al There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem - Wayne W. Dyer, PhD You Will See It, When You Believe It - Wayne W. Dyer, PhD The Transformative Power of Crisis--Our Journey to Psychological Healing and Spiritual Awakening - Robert M. Alter/Jane Alter |
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