Are you lonely? Have no dates? Few friends? Do you find yourself spending weekends with annoying relatives who imply you're a loser because you're not married? Or, worse, do you spend most of your time with another single woman who's convinced that all the good men are taken, dead, or in jail? You, my friend, are in a rut. Fortunately, there's a way out. And it doesn't matter what you look like, whether you hold an MFA or a GED, or where you live. Here's my 7-point plan for making new friends, attracting the opposite sex, and transforming your life: 1) Change begins from the inside out. Change yourself, and the world changes, too. For example, if you lack self-confidence, people pick up on that. Ever notice how the woman who can't say no is the one everyone dumps on? Or how the chubby woman who feels great about herself always has a boyfriend? Another benefit of cultivating confidence and self-esteem: Users, abusers, manipulators, and complainers will quickly fade out of your life. Fun, helpful, loyal, and positive people will replace them. To facilitate a great self-image, look in the mirror and say, "I love and approve of myself." Say this out loud while you're in the shower and while you're stirring the spaghetti sauce (just don't say it out loud to the clerk at Starbucks). Say it one hundred times a day, and you'll soon feel a shift in yourself. Then your world will shift, too. 2) Get out of the house. I don't care whether you join a book club, a bowling league, or a political movement, you must escape your comfort zone (otherwise known as a rut). Go where likeminded people will likely show up. After a widowed friend of mine joined a support group for people who lost loved ones to cancer, he made a wonderful new friend who recently became his wife. 3) Ask open-ended questions. If you're shy and don't know what to say, ask people about themselves. Everybody loves a listener! 4) Never complain, never explain. "The surest route to unpopularity is to talk about your ailments," my mother used to say. Sure, moaning about the corn on your big toe may elicit polite murmurs of sympathy, but it won't make you any friends. Avoid lengthy explanations, as well. If you got stuck in traffic on your way to your book club meeting, for example, apologize but don't go on and on about it. 5) Smile. My brother claims that I didn't start smiling until I turned 23. The sad thing is, he's right. I once feared smiling made me look over-eager and easily fooled, and it definitely influenced circumstances in my life. Once I understood how smiling put other people at ease and conveyed approachablility, I made a conscious effort to do it. If you're not a smiler, start now. And be sure to show teeth! 6) Treat others as you would have them treat you. And if they don't treat you as you would treat them, keep moving. 7) Be consistent. Use these tips daily. If you think they're too easy to make a change, you're wrong. Head into the bathroom now and start using the affirmation. Then follow through with the rest of the tips. Within 60 days you will be safely out your rut, have made a new friend or two, and perhaps even met a man who makes you laugh and considers your happiness his first priority. Get going! |
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