Do you have a wonderful single life, dating interesting, exciting people? If not, why not? If you are looking for a relationship, but you are not going out on dates frequently, what are your excuses?

Almost everyone I talk to who would like to meet someone has fortified themselves with an excuse. Unfortunately, excuses dont seem to give us any comfort and we stay stuck in the place where we say we dont want to be, which is...alone.

The other day, I listened to a young man describe why he cant find a nice young woman to love and settle down with. As he talked, I heard him give the same reasons women give for not being able to find the man they want. Here are some excuses, told to me recently by men AND women, for why they dont have love in their lives. The following considerations might help you look at the excuse in a new way:

1. Excuse: There arent any good men/women out there.

All the good ones are taken.

Fact: According to the 2003 U.S. census, there are over 221 million adults in our country. Over 100 million of them (roughly 46% of the population) are single.

Consideration: Perhaps there might be one good one in the bunch?

2. Excuse: All the good men/women are married.

Theres no one available for me.

Fact: Many people may be married, but since over 50% of first marriages, 60% of second ones, and 70% of third ones end in divorce, someone will soon be available.

Consideration: Perhaps someone new becomes available every day who you might be interested in?

3. Excuse: Men tend to compartmentalize their feelings.

If I share myself physically, I am emotionally hooked. However, men can just walk away. It doesnt bother them as much.

Fact: Men may be more reluctant to commit, but when they do, they commit deeply. Statistically, it is women who do more of the breaking up, letting go, and moving on. It takes men longer to get over it. Research studies state that men suffer more from the breakup.

Consideration: Everyone needs to enter a relationship with caution and treat themselves and each other with kindness. Feelings exist in both genders. Understanding boundaries will help you feel safer.

4. Excuse: I am too old to meet someone.

There are no single people in my age group.

Fact: Here is a break down of singles by age group. Whatever your age, there are single people in your group who would like to meet someone. Just because you havent met THE ONE doesnt mean they arent out there and available. Age 15-24: there are over 33 million singles;
Age 25-34: there are over 18 million singles;
Age 35-59: there are over 30 million singles;
Age 60+: there are over 19 million singles.

Consideration: The 50+ age group is the fastest growing singles population in the country.

5. Excuse(s): I am too fat/skinny; bald/hairy; educated/un-educated; smart/stupid; beautiful/ugly; rich/poor; tall/short; southern/eastern; western/northern; confident/weak; rigid/pliable.

Take your pick. The list of reasons why people cant have true loveand anything else they wantstretches out the door and to the other side of town.

Fact: People find each other every day who possess one or a lot of the above mentioned traits. Having certain physical characteristics has nothing to do with finding someone you love, who will love you. Sadly, there are millions of people whose hearts are locked away, imprisoned by a false notion of why they cant find their life partner. These people get by, wishing love would find them, not daring to believe that it could or would.

Consideration: There is absolutely someone special hoping and looking to find you.

Howeverit may be necessary to do some work in order to find that someone.

Its so easy to pluck a reason off the shelf and use it whenever it is convenient. But if you take some actions to meet people, you wont have to entertain negativity any longer. In fact, there will be no more...excuses, excuses.

Tonja Weimer

Tonja Evetts Weimer is a Master Certified singles relationship and life coach, speaker, syndicated columnist and author.

Tonja is a full time professional coach with a practice in Greenville, SC. She helps individuals, especially singles, re-craft their lives and find happiness and success in their career and relationships. Some of Tonja's professional activities include:

==> Syndicated singles relationship columnist, writing SAVVY DATING, a weekly column read by over a million readers in many U.S newspapers. Tonja's column addresses relationship and life issues of interest to all adults, but particularly to the over 110 million singles in the U.S. Tonja has also had articles published in New Woman, Hope, and House Beautiful magazines, and has won 3 Matrix Awards for her writing.

==> Motivational speaker, Tonja has been a keynote presenter at national and international conferences over the last 30 years.

==> Author of materials for educators and parents (7 books, six music albums and 2 videos), which have won 22 awards.

Some Speaking and Media Highlights:

==> Keynote speaker for 2004 Women?s Issues Network Conference, Sumter, SC.

==> Keynote speaker for 2002 Parents as Teachers International Conference, St. Louis, MO.

==> Keynote speaker for 1999 International Conference for Children & Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder.

==> Keynote speaker for 1998 European Education Conference, in Mannheim, Germany.

==> Keynote speaker in 35 U.S. states at educational conferences.

==> Presenter at the International Special Olympics in Notre Dame, at the request of Eunice Kennedy Shriver.

==> Created Space Songs for Children, at the request of NASA (album taken into space by astronauts three times.)

==> Appeared on CNN?s Showbiz Today and many other TV shows.

Educational and Professional Qualifications:

==> National Fellow (U.S. Dept. of Education.) M.A. in Human Development and Education, with an emphasis on creativity.

==> Master Certified Singles Relationship Coach, Relationship Coaching Institute.

==> Personal Life Coach, Graduate, Institute for Life Coach Training.

==> Member, International Coaching Federation