Every self-help tape I've heard and every book I've read on how to become a success suggest finding a mentor. What is a mentor? What is a mentor's role? Where do I find one? Should I have only one mentor? In this article, I tackle some of these tough questions.

What is a mentor and what is a mentor's role? I decided to look mentor up in the dictionary and found the succinct descriptions: "trusted counselor or guide," "a wise, loyal advisor," and "a teacher or coach." I feel the operative words here are "trusted," "wise" and "loyal." We have all had mentors in our lives, but not always considered them a mentor. Thinking back, I realize how lucky I have been to have the mentors I had.

My father was my first mentor. He was not only wise, trusted and loyal, he believed in me and my potential. He made me realize the value of giving my very best to every project. In school, I had a few teachers who went far beyond being teachers by spending extra time and effort with those of us who tried. In college, my advisor showed such obvious joy in my accomplishments, I had to do well for her sake, as well as my own. I feel that a mentor is a lot more than a counselor, guide, teacher, or coach. A true mentor cares and is someone who believes in you so much that he or she causes you to believe in yourself.

Where do I find a mentor? There is that old saying that "when the student is ready, the teacher appears." If we decide we need a mentor now and then actively seek one, so often we will be disappointed because we are trying too hard. On the other hand, if we remain open and giving of our time and expertise to others, we will be surprised by how many mentor opportunities appear.

In the year 2001 my goal was to grow my new website design business - not the most advantageous time for Information Technology (IT). I knew very few people in this field until I attended an all day entrepreneurial seminar in February and was seated next to the IT guru who has become my mentor. He has helped my business and me more than any amount of PR, marketing or selling could possibly have done.

You might also consider adopting some "external mentors of influence" - people you don't actually know in person, but by whom you are duly impressed. For example, one of my "external mentors of influence" is Tony Robbins. Even though I don't know him personally, I have attended one of his fire-walking seminars (yes, I did walk across those hot coals), have read his books and have listened to all of his tapes. When I need an extra boost or the answer to a question, I pop in a tape.

Another suggestion is to pick an "external mentor of influence" from the past. A lot of people use Benjamin Franklin. Just say to yourself, "Now how would old Ben handle this situation?"