As the mother of three very inquisitive children, I hear the words "Why" and "What" several times per day. Many times I am unable to provide an acceptable explanation, yet they continue to quiz me. I've decided that I also deserve to ask a few "Why's" and "What's" myself. If anyone holds the answers to these questions, please send them my way!
On Pregnancy - Why is it that the individuals that tell you "natural childbirth is the only way to go" are all female, while the men all say that drugs are natural?
- Why do women dread their annual pelvic exam, but can't wait to start getting them weekly in their 9th month of pregnancy?
- Why is it always a male OB/Gyn that claims "Don't worry, you'll know when it's true labor"?
- Why do our husbands say "one more push" for the last 15 pushes?
- Please remind me why we women do this again? And more than once?
On Parenting- Why do you have to beg, cry or threaten to get your kids out of bed and ready to go during the week, yet they are up at the crack of dawn on the weekends?
- Why do children seem to outgrow their clothes mid-way through the season? (After, of course, the stores have stocked the next season's clothing)
- Why does a three-year-old demand complete and total privacy while using the bathroom, yet the same child beats incessantly on the door while an adult is in there?
- Why is it that when I finally buy my first new tube of lipstick in a year, I find my two-year-old and kitchen walls wearing the entire tube?
- What exactly are "washable" crayons and markers supposed to be washed with? Boric acid? Or does this simply mean you can wash those clothes and walls as many times as you'd like and not worry about the marks coming off?
- Why is it you buy the most expensive toys for your child, yet they prefer to drag out the pots, pans & wooden spoons?
- Why is it your children are quiet and well-behaved UNTIL you pick up the telephone?
- How can the same child who blatantly refuses to wash their hands and face before eating spend hours in the bathtub when you just want to finish up and go to bed?
- Why aren't there monsters under mommy and daddy's bed?
- Why do babies only spit up on clean clothes (yours or theirs)?
On Life - Why, when calling a large business such as a phone or credit card company, are you asked to punch in your account number and verify it, then when the representative finally comes on the line, the first question out of their mouth is "What is you account number"?
- And why do telephone solicitors call only during dinner hours or bath time?
- Why do car dealerships sell you a brand new $25,000 mini-van, then at delivery, inform you that the vehicle does not come with floor mats?
- Why is it ONLY when you're really late to your destination, you get on the road for one mile and notice your gas tank EMPTY light is on?
I won't hold my breath waiting for the answers, but I believe that in the future, I will take the liberty of asking "Why?". I'll ask the credit card company why I wasted my time entering my account number; I'll ask my OB/GYN exactly how he knows that I will be able to identify true labor; and I'll ask the crayon manufacturer what "washable" really means. I don't think I'll solve any of life's great mysteries, but it may serve for a few good laughs at someone else's expense. |
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