The women in my family have a thanksgiving tradition that they have followed for more years than I can remember. The planning and strategy goes into effect days before thanksgiving itself. They gather at my sisters house, and they begin to go through the sale ads for the busiest shopping day out of the year, which is the day after thanksgiving. I'm sure many people do the same, but they are among an elite and dedicated fanatic organization called the early birders. These renegade shoppers are perhaps the best in the world and the level of competition ranks right up there with the Olympics. In fact, there are rumors circulating through this underground coalition that this may soon become an experimental Olympic event at the games of 2008. Although the stores open at 5 a.m, the diehard cultists begin camping outside only hours after that last piece of pumpkin pie is eaten. The lines are reminiscent of the crowds which use to camp out for Led Zeppelin or the rolling stones, back in the 70's and early 80's. There are only a limited amount of the electronic items each store is allocated to sell at ridiculously low prices. For a newcomer, they have no idea of the danger and chaos that awaits them as the manager unlocks the door and the running of the bulls begins. My sister told me of a woman that ran beneath her shopping cart, but not to worry, as soon as my sister grabbed 1 of the mere 20 computers, she quickly went back to the woman, picked her up and apologized, and was thoughtful enough to call 911 for an ambulance. I thought that to be a wonderful example of how compassionate people become in the spirit of the holidays. I'm proud of you sis, and how ever did you get that great parking spot in the handicap zone? So this year I decided to give it a go, but when I showed up at 10 minutes to 5 the line was wrapped around the parking lot. I was having second thoughts and wondering what in the world was I doing at 5 in the morning standing in line behind hundreds of people, many of them wondering they were standing in line behind so many people. Let me see. The store has 20 computers and I have 420 people ahead of me, and I don't think they've been waiting out here all night to get a good jump on the bows and wrapping paper. 20 minutes later I'm in the store and it dawns on me that I might have got in line a few hours to late. Almost every basket had an $88 TV in it. I saw people frantically grabbing the same 2 boxes of what, I don't know, but I knew it must have been some kind of crazy savings so I found a way to claw my way in and grab 2 for myself. And then it dawned on me, was I now partaking in some sort of ritualistic orientation into the savage cult I had refused to be part of for so many years? What in the world was I doing there, had I completely lost my mind? Meanwhile, across town, my mother and one of my sisters reported in to me that they had secured me a camera and a sewing machine at their locations and I was delighted that I could get in my car, drive home, and get some much needed sleep. But it was too late. I was caught up in the frenzy and running on a second wind. Im here, and darn it, Im going to shop.So I filled my cart up with things I didnt need, nor could I afford. I was spellbound and for the next 3 hours I too became part of the frenzy. And as I left for home the sunrise greeted me at the door, and I carefully maneuvered my cart around the fallen victims, careful not to do them any further harm. (Just kidding, they were already being treated) Oh the spirit of the holidays! The celebration of brotherly love. The joy of giving. Unfortunately when it came to Christmas spirit, they were completely sold out. Happy Holidays! If you enjoyed this article, please visit Jay's Family sites at Jays Plan - Secrets of a Single Dad and Family Health With Mister Mom |
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