Are you unhappy with your relationship? Are you confused with the way it is and cant understand how it got so bad? Are you looking at how to find a solution to what seems like an unsolvable problem? Intolerable situations are parts of your life and relationship you have been putting up with that are wearing you out, both emotionally and physically. If you find yourself dealing with issues in which you feel stuck and can't seem to find an answer to, consider the following questions: *What were your top five needs at the time you got in the place you are in? *Were you frightened, so you settled for where you are out of desperation? *Did you think you didnt really have any other choices? *Have you currently outgrown those needs? *Or do you need to find better coping strategies if you must stay where you are? Think about the following ideas to help you resolve your situation: 1. Perceived needs arent necessarily the truth. Every time we have an intolerable situation, it is because we had a perceived need or value that has become too expensive in our lives. For example, you may have had a need to marry someone who could take care of you economically. However, after living with this person, you may find that the cost has been too high to your mental and emotional health, and that in fact, it would be easier to learn how to take care of yourself. 2. Some commitments are costly. Sometimes we have an unrealistic commitment to a value, which causes life to be difficult. For example, you feel you must be loyal to a friend, or a relationship, no matter what they do or say to you. You may be so committed to the value of being loyal, you have forgotten how to be kind to yourself. 3. Picture the future. How long can your intolerable situation continue in your life? Can you picture what your life will be in 2007 if you continue being where you are? How about 2006? Sometimes picturing the future helps us let go of what is intolerable in the present. 4. Discover your choices. When we are in intolerable situations, it is difficult to access our creativity to generate what we need. What are your methods and patterns for coping with stress? Can you consider a different strategy to deal with this situation? We always have choices. 5. Take one action; change one thing. Go back and look at your life in the past. When was it as bad as it is now? How did you deal with the stress then? What one thing could you change that you did not do in the past that would have made your situation easier? False, unrealistic hope can make all of us gullible. Many people commit to a relationship because they have an illusion of what they want, rather than being able to see what truly exists. After you make a list of all the possible choices you have, and the actions you can take, make a list of people you can talk to about them. Ask for insight into your patterns, history, and reactions to stress. Once you get yourself unstuck, you can look right around the corner for the one who looks for you. Because you will become more available and more alive with your own possibility. |
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