Recovering from an affair is hard work and will take time.

The good news is that in the more than 20 years I've been helping people put a marriage back together after an affair, I have never seen a couple where both partners really wanted to heal their marriage who could not.

Here's a map on how to rebuild trust that I call the Trust Scale.

On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 the lowest and 10 the highest, what is the current level of trust? Let's say it's a 2. Decide on what you would each need to see to move the trust level from 2 to 3, then 3 to 4, 4 to 5 and so on.

As you both look at how this could happen, you need to focus on affair-proofing your marriage for the future.

Make the marriage your No. 1 priority. Get into couples counseling if you are not already. Go to a good weekend marriage retreat and then commit to doing this at least once a year. Study your spouse, and then use your knowledge to improve the marriage.

Do all you can to make the marriage a really great place to be. Remember that the goal is not to make it like it was before, but to make it better than it was before.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com